ONE - #3
ONE: navigating the world of dating and relationships - Lesson 3: The One.
Presupposition: Relationships are successful only when an ______________ of God is ____________ in our hearts. When Christ is the ________ of our lives, then we are ready.
Questions to ask to see if this person might be “the one.”
1) Are we in the same orbit?
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 2 Cor 6:14
2) What’s love got to do with it?
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her Eph 5:25
3) What do my parents think?
"Honor your father and mother"--which is the first commandment with a promise--
"that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." Eph 6:2-3
4) What do my friends think?
Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. Prov 15:22
posted by Wade at 3/08/2006 05:00:00 PM
2 Comments:
Navigating the World of Dating Relationships - LESSON THREE
8:49 God has given us some guidelines to provide us with safety, security and a solid foundation for a great marriage.
Presupposition: Relationships are successful only when an awareness of God is foremost in our hearts. When Christ is the center of our lives, then we are ready.
God’s plan is for a man and a woman to be growing together – and growing together towards him.
If we want the relationship that God has for us, our center needs to be Jesus Christ. My identity and value should not be found in my wife. Jesus needs to be the center of my life.
Make sure that Jesus Christ is the core value of you. When that happens, dating maybe isn’t such a big deal. It’s not “the end of the date – rejected again.” If Jesus is the center, then you can walk away from a date and understand the fact, “that didn’t work out, but God accepts me fully and completely.” Jesus is the core value, and you are looking for someone with a similar core value. You are going to attract who you are.
Questions to ask to see if this person might be “the one.”
1) Are we in the same orbit? 2 Cor 6:14 “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what…..”
A yoke is a thing to put on a cow that ties the two cows together, so that they pull together. God wants our relationships to be pulling together, not drifting apart.
There might be some of you who are saying, “The guy that I am going to marry is different from this guy who I am hanging out with.” But when you hang out with people – you tend to start to like them. Then you fall in love with them, when you thought you were going to be “just friends.”
Don’t fall for someone who you are not in the “same orbit” with. People say that it’s not going to happen, but it happens all the time. Your emotions start to scream louder than the truth.
You start to say, “You just don’t understand!” You begin to hope for things because your emotions are clouding your vision. You say, “What do you want me to do – be single for the rest of my life?” “But he’s so close – I’m his only hope for the cross!”
The question for you is, did that person turn to God just for you? There needs to be something going on serious between that person and God, without you. Because I know that guys will do a lot, including to be spiritual, just to get a girl.
2) What’s “love” got to do with it?
“We are so in love – when we are together it is like paradise. The stars align, everything goes into slow motion, and I just feel tingly all over.” One of our determining factors is how we feel. If we feel like we love them. “I know he only makes $3/hour, but I love him!” “I know he lives in a van down by the river, but we are so in love.” “I know he’s in prison, but he’s getting out in 5 and we are so in love.”
We often make our decision on our feeling of love. It’s okay to base your decisions on love if you are basing love off of the Bible. Eph 5:25 “Husbands, love you wives….” If that’s your definition of love, to give up your life for her, to sacrifice and surrender who you are for him, then that’s okay. But if it’s about a great vibe that you are getting, that’s probably not the right place.
3) What do my parents think? Eph 6:2 “Honor you father and mother..”
I get to officiate weddings. I have seen the difference between a couple that is getting married who have honored their father and mother, and those who have not. There is a big difference.
I talked to a guy recently who is in love, but he talked to his parents and they are not sure. He doesn’t agree with his parents, but he said, “My Dad has never given me one piece of bad advice. He has never led me astray. I my dad said, I never want you to see that girl again - I will do what my dad says.” I thought, “you are a man of God, and God is going to bless you and your marriage, whoever it is that you end up marrying.”
When we honor our parents, something happens; the blessing of God on our lives is huge. I have seen it. The weddings I have seen when the parents are in full support – the weddings are incredible. The weddings where the parents are not in support are so different.
If you are going to just do what you want to do – it might sound good, but your relationship with your parents will be around a lot longer than that glamorous wedding day. There is something in God’s economy about honoring your parents.
Noah – get’s drunk and is lying naked in his tent. One brother tells, the other cover him up. The brother that did not honor his dad was cursed.
4) What do my friends think? Pr 15:22 “Plans fail…”
There is something about the people that you are connected to. They might be able to see things that you don’t. Whatever the thoughts/excuses are, we need to pay attention to what our friends say. If you are involved in part of a good friendship group, the counsel of your close friends who are also seeking God is valuable. Heed what they are saying - there is validity there. Find a friend or mentor. Ask them to tell you what they really think. Open your life up to trusted mentors. Open your heart up to people who might have a little more wisdom than you.
One other thing about being desperate. The “high maintenance” desperate. If you’re not connected and have satisfying relationship around you, then you may become lonely and loneliness may cultivate a desire for companionship. That is the wrong motive for a relationship. You need to satisfy your longing for relationship with Jesus. Then find some good friends who will be there for you. Only then are you ready for a relationship where you would be draining the other person.
That loneliness can cultivate the need to go out again. It’s out of that loneliness that those tentacles of “need me, want me, satisfy my loneliness, etc.” come. Get tied into a “need” relationship with Jesus. Then get plugged into wonderful relationships. Then, you will have desired the relationship skills to help you navigate a dating relationship.
The other standard to determine if someone might be the one is to run with all of your heart after God. After you have been doing this, look sideways and see if anyone is running next to you at about the same speed. If there is, that person is going after God with the same intensity and same desire, and you will be able to connect. The desire will be to have God amplified in your lives. If God is not amplified – the relationship is not the right one.
One interesting note is that the verse in 2 Corinthians 6 is speaking of all types of "yoked" relationships: marriage, being a business partner, etc. It's certainly important to use this in the context of marriage, but we must not forget the other meanings as well. It is very important not to be legally bound to any unbeliever.
-Bizzlebin (Jeremiah)
Post a Comment
<< Home